I decided I am going to start blogging more often. This is just a warning of that fact. I do not expect them to be read by anyone. No one reads them, nothing I write has views. That’s fine. I understand. Who am I anyway?
My daughter is getting bullied on the bus by a girl named Integrity. She does not deserve that name. I have advised her to warn the girl that next time she hits her, my daughter will hit her in the face. Yes. I believe you should stand up for yourself. Also, she has tried to tell the bus driver and her teacher and no one will listen or do anything about it. This girl is assigned to my daughter’s seat, so she can’t even move. She’s asked to be moved and the bus driver has not allowed her to move. So, if I get a call that she is suspended or kicked off the bus for hitting this little bitch, I will take her out to get ice cream. Because she stood up for herself. She has tried using the “skills” they teach in school by talking to this girl, by trying to open a dialogue, and if someone is going to be a bully, that shit don’t work. It don’t! It won’t. It can’t.
One thing I’m going to use this blog for is to explore emotions and just write random things. You may not always like what I say. I may not ever care if you do or not. I’ve got a page about emotions from weight loss that no one has read. But sometimes I want to write about how I’m feeling and i can’t do it that often.
Also, I need to get into the habit of writing again. It is a skill that I have ignored since I lost Rhiannon. I have not written much of anything, and what I have written has just been forgotten or dropped. If I force myself to write here, maybe I’ll want to write elsewhere again.
I’m now looking for more freelance work. I’m open for hire guys! I generally will take half the payment upfront, and I scale to your budget.
As for emotions–this is what I mean. Why do certain things make me jealous? I will explore that in writing. Why did I suddenly get an image in my head yesterday, of the pain I caused. Seeing him like that, all in orange, seeing me looking at him and turning away from my gaze. I see that often. Thinking of my time without him, how desolate I felt. I never want to feel that, but I know that there is a chance, in the future, that I will feel that again. I know I can get through it, but I know I don’t want to get through it. It’s the same with Rhiannon. Now and then, out of nowhere, I see her in my arms, my dead little girl, and I weep for her loss.
I don’t want it all to be emo though. There will be random things, I hope, that aren’t terrible. Until then…I hope I can keep up with it. I don’t often do what I set out to do when it’s for myself.